Comments on: Vignette #17: Moonlight and Sand

By: judy

judy — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 18:13:33 +0000

This piece is a shoe-in for the opening chapter of the year contest – I didnt want it to end, I’m hooked/gripped – well done!

By: Gracie

Gracie — Sun, 23 May 2010 17:41:21 +0000

Very nice vignette in the middle of a larger dynamic… like looking at the ocean at night.

Lovely piece.

By: mazzz_in_Leeds

mazzz_in_Leeds — Sun, 23 May 2010 11:50:30 +0000

How lovely. Reminds me of how long it’s been since I’ve been on a beach

I see that the original left the reader hanging. I believe the new version works better. There is closure despite of course wondering what happened before, and what will happen after

By: peggy

peggy — Sat, 22 May 2010 05:31:52 +0000

No resolution, just an awkward truce.

I loved the imagery and could hear the waves and see the moonlight and feel the sand. You paint a lovely scene.

By: V.R. Leavitt

V.R. Leavitt — Fri, 21 May 2010 18:33:54 +0000

Naught=naughty. LOL

By: V.R. Leavitt

V.R. Leavitt — Fri, 21 May 2010 18:33:34 +0000

Oh man! So based on the comments, you’d ended it with the sandals being washed away by the waves!! Naught writer! That’s ok, I love cliffhangers.

I do like the new version though. I’d not seen the original mind you, but I like the finished product very much.

My only suggestion (and it’s very nitpicky) would be in the paragraph about the sandals, you use the word “sandals” three times, which can be a little grating. Maybe you can figure out a different way to say it without using the same word.

Overall, I like the tone and the intensity of the piece, and then the lighthearted ending. Well done.

By: jeremy

jeremy — Fri, 21 May 2010 03:27:43 +0000

Author’s Note: All of the comments prior to this one were made to the earlier version of this story.

By: Liz

Liz — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 13:08:17 +0000

This paints a gorgeous picture and leaves me wondering what happened and what will happen next.
Absolutely beautiful!

By: Marisa Birns

Marisa Birns — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 11:39:21 +0000

These words did lull one to appreciation for their description of calmness and beauty of the night and the water.

Loved the line that the ocean was the beginning of life…and the end.

By: Julie (Okami)

Julie (Okami) — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 11:33:08 +0000

I love it, run with it. She walks into the water, only her sandals are found…she cools her feet, picks up her sandals and goes back…she stands there and suddenly he is behind her and calls to her…

By: peggy

peggy — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 05:46:46 +0000

Unless, of course, I totally misunderstood and only the sandals got lost; not the protagonist.

By: peggy

peggy — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 05:45:33 +0000

Yes, this deserves more comments because the imagery is fantastic and the use of all the senses is commendable. But, (sorry) I think the suicide angle just doesn’t work for this if there is no explanation of why there’s pain. The reader, because we are enjoying the beauty of your scene and the talent of your words, doesn’t feel the pain-connect in the way we should.

By: Sue London

Sue London — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 03:40:34 +0000

I am invested in her and want to save her. I want to know if this vignette scene is the beginning, middle, or end. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!

As usual for you, lovely imagery and good atmosphere. Definitely took me back to the last time I wandered the beach at night.

By: 2mara

2mara — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 03:38:37 +0000

How sad… so many questions.

By: uberVU - social comments

uberVU - social comments — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 03:37:42 +0000

Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by jwarach: My first #FridayFlash in a while. “Moonlight and Sand” http://bit.ly/cLnuKH A short little tidbit but hopefully a tasty one….

By: Cathy Olliffe

Cathy Olliffe — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 03:35:09 +0000

Why hasn’t anyone else commented on this yet? It’s truly lovely, well-written and strangely calming. All this and the ending is oh so melancholy. I enjoyed it very much and was slightly envious of her oceanside walk, even though it didn’t bode well for her.